Men also have their menopause and the truth is that it affects them as severely as women’s menopause does, in fact it could be worse. It’s just that Men don’t talk about weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
But it’s important that they also understand what is happening in their bodies, why and how to combat it. We as women and wives too need to understand these things because our understanding and help is most needed at such times.
So first what is ANDROPAUSE. Simply put, Andropause describes an age-related reduction of testosterone in Men. Andropause starts to set in for Men from 50/55 years upwards. And we have Male outliers like I am a female outlier who may start noticing it from late 40s. (I entered full menopause at 40). Remember also that the Testosterone is not just responsible for men’s sexual wellbeing, but is also responsible for their mental and physical energy, body mass etc.
Now, the signs and symptoms of Andropause in Men are as severe and troubling as Menopause in women. In fact, theirs is more complicated because of the peculiar socio-culturural factors that men are generally predisposed to in this part of the world. And I’ll be focusing a bit more on this complications in this write up later. But first The symptoms.
SIGNS OR SYMPTOMS OF ANDROPAUSE.
Men face the following issues when Andropause begins to set in:
1. LOW ENERGY & DECREASED MOTIVATION: That feeling of not being up to doing anything at all.
2. DEPRESSION or SADNESS : seemingly unexplainable feeling of sadness, and hopelessness.
3. LOWERED SELF-CONFIDENCE : They just start feeling that they are worthless or have not succeeded enough. Making them to be quiet sensitive and reactive. Depending on his temperament. The quieter ones just becomes withdrawn more than before.
4. DIFFICULTY CONCENTRATING : Not being able to focus on things long like before. Loosing trends of conversation. Forgetting where they left off a train of thoughts… ????
5. INSOMNIA OR DIFFICULTY SLEEPING : Not being able to sleep well or not at all sometimes.
6. INCREASED BODY FAT: They grow bigger too, in the midriff and generally.
7. REDUCED MUSCLE MASS : Their muscles are not as firm as before or starts shrinking.
8. PHYSICAL WEAKNESS : That general weakness and tiredness, even without doing much.
9. BREAST DEVELOPMENT: Just like some of us menopausal women develop beard and moustache (I have beards actually ????????). Some Andropausal Men develop breasts. ????????. Very frustrating.
10. DECREASED BONE DENSITY : The bones looses it’s strength and so they can easily break with little accidents or impact.
11. ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION : This one really is a big problem to them because remember this sexual performance is a big deal to men. But when Andropause sets in, they either are unable to sustain erection; so the erection will come, but they can’t keep it strong and rigid for long like before. Or some find it difficult to have the erection at all.
12. REDUCED LIBIDO : They too sometimes looses the excitement or desire to have sex
13. INFERTILITY: For some, Andropause can affect the quality and visibility of their sperm.
Now, I feel compelled to talk a bit about certain factors up there, so that the wives of these kind of men can help them and the Men too can start adjusting from now.
DEPRESSION AND LOW SELF CONFIDENCE:
This particular symptoms affects Andropausal Men a lot because most often than not, Andropause happens to them also around the time that the notorious midlife crisis occurs. By the time most of them reach 50 and above, they begin to evaluate their lives and often they feel they have not achieved much. They somehow focus more on the things that are not working and just can’t see the ones that are. And since unfortunately men have been trained that talking about their problems are a sign of weakness, they bottle these things up without sharing it, and when it now collides with the moodiness that Andropause itself causes, things can really go bad. They become so irritable, withdrawn and easily riled up. And their wives are so frustrated about why he has suddenly changed. Some of them gets suicidal (two men still committed suicide in our area here in one week). Unfortunately, the socioeconomic challenges in this part of the world also aggravates it for them. A lot of burden is on a man actually. A LOT.
ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION: This particular symptom also is very troublesome and troubling for them. Without the advent of Andropause, emotional instability is one of the causes of erectile dysfunction even in younger men. So now imagine how the point above depression and low self esteem, coupled with the reduced testosterone that Andropause causes will affect their erection. They just realize that they can’t sustain erection like before.
Now, something about their wives at this stage also affects them:
1. Because most often than not, their wives too have reached menopause before them sef, this means that she will not be as wet during sex as before. So often, by the time the poor guy does a long foreplay which is expected of him, then has to wait for her to use lubricant, by then the rod of authority has come down because he can’t sustain the erection for long again, so he can’t enter.
This frustrates both of them, him especially. It makes him to feel more worthless, which of course worsens the condition. If the wife is now the Type that is also ignorant of these things, and she expresses shock or complain too much, it worsens it again. So some of them will even start avoiding sex entirely. Or like one of my beloved brother said yesterday, they start looking for “Agbo Mokole” (erection enhancing concoctions) ????????. But these concoctions themselves could be dangerous in the long run.
Also, for some of them with health issues like hypertension and diabetes. Some of the drugs that they use for these conditions can cause erectile dysfunction or sometimes total inability to have an erection at all.
HOW TO HANDLE IT?
Let me first share how to handle the two cases I coned down on first , then I’ll give general tips.
Apart from the general measures. Handling these particular 2 issues of menopause will require the involvement and understanding of the wife.
1. Build a good relationship with your wife long before Andropause, in the early and younger days of the marriage, build a solid and intimate relationship together. Also make your sexual life enjoyable for each other and fulfilling in all those earlier days. These are the insurances and down payments for the challenging times of Meno-Andropause. It will help your wife who has always felt loved by you and had enjoyed years of sexual pleasures from you to be willing and ready to show the needed understanding and patience that is required in those seasons and also to gladly make the sacrifices I’ll be asking wives to make in the remaining points.
2. Whenever this issue of erectile dysfunction happens. Wives should please calm down and not raise any alarm. Then deliberately tell him that it’s okay to suspend sex for a while so as to reduce the pressure of performance on him. Because every episode that he tries and fails increases his low self esteem and worsens it all.
3. Wives should also be ready and willing to allow certain sexual episodes whereby you allow him to enter from the moment he has the strong erection. Yes , this may not pay you very well at such times. But it helps him to achieve successful coitus, which now boosts his self esteem and confidence. Remember that a greater part of the issue is psychological. So this wins you give him does a lot for his mind.
4. Wives should please be their best fans in this season. Celebrate him, encourage Him. Let him know he’s still your Man no matter the things that aren’t working. Help him to focus on the good things that God has done for the family and all his own achievements too. This will combat the depression cum midlife crisis issues.
THE GENERAL METHODS
Guys, you are to have started doing these things I’m going to be saying well before you hit 50. From your 40s start the following:
1. CHANGE YOUR DIET: Eat healthy. More vegetables and fruits, less carbs. Especially fruits like Banana, watermelon, pomegranate. And if you will eat watermelon, eat that white part with it. Reduce your sugar intake or totally stop. Avoid alcohol etc. Remember that normally weight affects the sexual performance of Men.
2. START REGULAR EXERCISES: In fact, you need it more than the women o. Apart from the fact that it keeps you fit and controls weight and high BP. It helps blood circulation and remember it’s blood flow that helps erection.
3. REST!!! : Please, I’m on my knees begging all of you men REST!. Get enough sleep. You men don’t rest ooo. I know the responsibility is much, but please Rest and reduce your stress.
4. CHANGE YOUR DRUGS: For those on drugs for hypertension and diabetes. Some of those drugs have erectile dysfunction etc as side effects. So you may need to see your Doctor and change them.
5. Please seek medical help if necessary. Don’t bottle things up till a sudden health issues comes up. Speak out on time. It’s not weakness to seek help please.
6. THE GOD FACTOR: I believe every man needs JESUS. Look, with all the burdens and responsibilities and expectations over your life as a Man, you need a back up plan o. And no back up is like God o.
If you as a Man combined the two together , i.e both the help of your wife and the general rules. Most of the symptoms will reduce and balance out. And if you start early, you may not even experience most of them at all.
I am not a Man, so I can never know exactly how you feel or know what you are going through. But I acknowledge that it is not less demanding than what we Women go through, nor is it less traumatic too. I respect your seasons too and pray that the needed fortitude and grace will be given to you by God to come out on top always.
By Adetutu osofowora
