The recent warning by the Lagos State Director of Public Prosecutions that a husband who forces his wife into intimate relations after she has refused consent may face prosecution and, upon conviction, life imprisonment has understandably attracted public attention.
While I fully support the protection of women from sexual abuse, harassment, coercion and every form of violence, I believe this issue deserves careful consideration. The conversation should not become a battle between men and women. It should be about justice, fairness and the protection of every person.
Marriage should never be regarded as a licence to violate another person’s dignity or bodily autonomy. A husband does not own his wife because he married her or paid her bride price. A wife equally does not lose her right to make decisions about her own body simply because she is married.
Consent therefore remains important within marriage. No person should be forced into intimate relations against their will.
However, the same principle should apply to men. Men are not superhuman, and many suffer emotional, psychological and physical abuse in silence because society often expects them to endure their problems without speaking out.
If a woman forces or coerces a man into intimate activity against his will, that should also be recognised as abuse and dealt with appropriately under the law. A man’s dignity and right to consent should not be treated as less important simply because he is a man.
This is why I believe our laws and policies should provide equal protection. The focus should be on the conduct and the absence of consent, rather than on the gender of the person involved.
There is also the question of life imprisonment. Such a serious punishment demands careful investigation, proper evidence and due process. An allegation must not automatically become a conviction. The rights of the complainant must be protected, but so must the rights of the accused until a court establishes guilt.
Lagos should therefore look beyond punishment and place greater emphasis on prevention. Domestic violence is not limited to unwanted intimate relations. It can involve physical violence, emotional abuse, threats, intimidation, financial control and other forms of harmful behaviour. Couples need better access to counselling, conflict resolution and early intervention before family disagreements become serious crimes.
We must also create an environment where men can report abuse without being mocked. A man who is suffering in an abusive relationship should be able to seek help without being told to simply “be a man”. Women and men should both have access to support, counselling and justice.
Our African cultural background also influences how we understand marriage, relationships and intimacy. We should respect our culture, but culture must never be used to justify violence or coercion. At the same time, laws and policies should be properly explained and carefully adapted to our social realities so that people understand them and institutions can enforce them fairly.
The present debate should therefore not become another gender war. It should be an opportunity for Lagos State to educate the public about consent, strengthen reporting systems and ensure that survivors receive help while accused persons receive fair treatment.
A woman should be able to say no without fear of violence. A man should equally be able to say no without being ridiculed or ignored.
Marriage should be based on love, respect, understanding and mutual responsibility, not force.
If Lagos wants to set an example for the rest of Nigeria, the goal should not simply be to impose severe punishment. The bigger goal should be to prevent abuse, protect victims, support families, hold offenders accountable and ensure equal protection under the law.
Justice should protect everyone. No gender should be above accountability, and no gender should be left without protection.
By Engr. Bola Babarinde
